- Barstool Buddha
Week 9 Assignments
- Write down the names of the people I hold an account against and what they would need to pay to reconcile the “debt.”
- Disidentify and observe the operations of the self. Witness (without judgement) the behavior of the Not-I’s and their underlying motives, conflicts, emotional responses, etc.
Week 9 Transcript
We have all heard the expression “the pure in heart and the clean in heart.” And of course, generally have been taught to regard that as meaning that we didn’t think about sex very often. However, the Teaching says that it is due to “Accounts Receivable” – that we have made accounts against people and that they owe us. And that this makes the heart impure or unclean, is the Accounts Receivable. So it would be interesting if we obtained a small ledger book. Sometimes it might be possible not to get it too small.
In the ledger we put down the person’s name at the top of the page that we have an account against. And then we put all the different things that they owe us. In many people this can start with parents. Or it can start with people who looked after one when the self was small. It can include schoolteachers. It can include other kids that were the peers of the child in growing up. It can include various brushes with people in authority. Whatever the case, we will make a ledger. And we will put the person’s name at the top. And then we will put the incident in which they owe us – in other words, they mistreated us in one form or another.
And then we’ll put over on the other side what they owe us. And we will discover that what they owe us is impossible for them to ever pay. If we say they owe an apology, they owe an apology. So they apologize and what do we put down then? Have we fully forgiven the whole thing, forgotten about it? Or did we say, “They didn’t really mean it, they were just saying that so I would feel better,” and we still have the account marked unpaid.
This is called a burden. And most people are weighed down with great burdens because they observe everything that everyone they are in relationship with is doing as being somewhat of a slur, somewhat of a damage, somewhat of a mistreatment of the self. There is an old song that the speaker heard in the hills of Kentucky in little wooden churches that said, “Take your burden to the Lord and leave it there.” So, I is going to observe each of these things that the self has an Accounts Receivable against someone – everyone that seems to owe the self, everyone that owes John or everyone that owes Mary. And we are going to record these. They are reported to X and then we will leave them there.
It is very interesting to observe a person that has done this. They begin to stand up straighter. They begin to be less nervous. They are less agitated, less aggravated. They have removed a tremendous burden. A great limitation has been removed. A great load has been taken off of the back and the chest because all of these are things that are Accounts Receivable and they are forms of self-pity. They are forms of justifying anger. They are forms of justifying held resentment. And they can even be the form of justifying apathy. And of course one is forever fearful least they make other things that we will have to add Accounts Receivable against them. So, we will have our ledger.
Now, to start with let’s take some things that we put in the Accounts Receivable so that we will have some rough, sketchy road map to observe. They have been there so long, have been so taken for granted that one sometimes has to be slightly reminded as to what is really meant by an “Accounts Receivable” and what happens.
“I” believe that all those in close relationship with “me” mistreat “me” from time to time. Now the self is talking. I is observing the self and the Accounts Receivable and what they would have to do in order to have that account cancelled.
“I” believe that “I” merit more appreciation than “I” get. How many Accounts Receivable do we have against people that didn’t appreciate what “I” did for ‘em? You know that little not-I and its family that says, “It’s important to please them and “I” did so much to please them but they didn’t appreciate it.” After all, one didn’t please them because one was inclined to, but because one expected to receive something from them. And if one doesn’t receive it, they owe “me”. Now how will they ever pay it? How much appreciation could “I” have to get before “I” would cancel that that person “I” did so much for and they didn’t appreciate it? That could be a son, a daughter, a parent, an associate, a stranger, or what-have-you.
“I” believe that due to circumstances, “I’ve” never had a chance to demonstrate my real greatness. Now, people make up circumstances, so there might be several under this or we might just plain put “Circumstances” at the top of the page. And circumstances owe “me” a great deal because they have denied “me” so much happiness and so much pleasure and so much attention and approval and so much sense of importance. But due to circumstances, which is made up of people, “I’ve” never had a chance to demonstrate my real greatness of inner being.
“I” believe that “I’m” entitled to have my way now. If “I” didn’t get my way now, somebody owes “me” because it was always due to somebody being at fault, to blame – the cause of my not getting my way and they owe me now. And how much do they owe? What do they owe? And could it ever really be paid and marked cancelled?
“I” believe that if you were decent and good that you would help “me” have my way right now. “I” have an account because you didn’t even help “me.” You may not have been the one that stood in the way, but you didn’t go knock those people in the way out so “I” could have my way. So you have something you owe “me” also because you didn’t do what you should have done so “I” would have my way now. And obviously, let’s see how you could pay it.
“I” believe that “I’m” entitled to have all my rights and that whatever “I” think are my rights, are my rights. And that if you were decent and fair you would see to it that “I” have my rights. Somebody has stood in the way of what “I” considered my right and “I” have accounts against them. Now, this probably includes many, many people so there will be several different pages in the ledger, have different people’s names because they didn’t do my rights. What do they owe “me” now and how could it be paid? Or could it ever be paid?
“I” believe that you are deserving of blame and that it is my duty to point it out to you and demand that you cease being to blame, admit your past behavior and pay damages. And I think we’ll find that there is many different people’s names has this same “Accounts Receivable” against them, as we make up our ledger. And we see how much they owe “me”, what’s the damages that they owe. What could they do to cancel that debt “I” have charged against them? That’s mother, father, brother, sister, children, mates, business associates, people on the street, sometimes a sales clerk in a store, sometimes a manager of a store, sometimes a doctor, sometimes a lawyer, sometimes just a relative of some kind – someone “I’ve” had any relationship with.
“I” believe that “I” am victimized by you and others into being made to feel anger, guilty, fearful, insecure, envious, jealousy and etc. And “I” believe that it is all your fault that “I’m” in this miserable state. Now, how much will that person have to pay before “I” would cancel the debt and say, ”I feel wonderful, all is forgotten.”
You see we have the idea of the word “forgiving” and we use it quite freely. But, if one will observe the self when a given incident is brought up, one will find that the self wants to kick and scream and make a turmoil because the account has not been cancelled. We use the word “forgiveness” and we say, “I forgive”, but actually only X can cancel that. So I can observe the self, report it to X, and we can experience forgiveness.
But, I don’t believe a one of us can truly forgive.
You see, the nature of I is to report accurately as to “what is” to X. Not what it seems to be when seen through the ideal of the world, which is what makes the debt. When one reports that this was an illusion, that nobody really owes the self down there anything, then X forgives. And one may experience that forgiveness, that lightness, that entire new state of being. But one cannot forgive – one only can use the words.
“I” believe that “I” have all virtues in just about the proper degree, including humility, by insisting that “I” am inadequate. However, “I” believe that if anyone agrees that “I” am inadequate that they’re being unkind and that they owe “me” a tremendous amount.
To illustrate this point, very recently a person came and told the speaker all the ways that they were inadequate. This was only listened to – was not either agreed to or disagreed. However, three days later, the speaker met the person and in the proper time, place, and circumstance told the person in their exact words – without referring to the former incident – as to how inadequate they were. The person was so upset at being told they were inadequate that they went home and were sick in bed for three days. And later from this, begin to be reminded that, “You told this, and I replayed it back to you and then you were very upset by it. But you weren’t upset when you were rattlin’ it off as to how very inadequate you were!” This was quite an awakening event to the person. The person has continued to observe the self. Heretofore, they had not observed – they had only talked about it. So sometimes, maybe the methods were a little drastic.
And in the case where we’re doing it this way through recorded tapes, one does the going back and writing it down. And one begins to see that really one has tremendous accounts against people. That when one puts on a show of being very humble or very greatly humiliated and is tellin’ the story themselves, it is only another way to try to gain attention to the self and to get everbody to tell you that it is not true. So, how many times has one told a sad story to other people and they didn’t agree? And they didn’t try to get you to not agree and convince you that you were not all the things you were saying you were? There’s an account against them. They should all tell “me”, “Well, no, of course you were not this thing. You are not inadequate – you are very adequate! You’re one of the more adequate persons I’ve ever seen!” And as this continues, one sees all these many accounts.
Now, this is not a one-day job; it is not a one-week job. It is a job to start today. It is a job to work at very diligently this week and to continue to add to it as I observes some cunning not-I that seldom allows the not-I to be caught in the act… but to write it down. And one then will begin to experience what it is to be without a burden, begin to experience a lightening of the burden, begin to experience the lightness and the joy of forgiving – not because one has forgiven, but because one has seen and reported and X forgives and is beginning to cleanse the heart. It’s beginning to make it pure, because one of the greatest impurities it has is to carry around this burden of “Accounts Receivable” against almost everyone one has been in relationship with through the years.
“I” believe that “I” am capable of directing your affairs and that you would have no difficulties if you would just take my advice. Now, how many people have you given advice to and they didn’t take it? And of course we build a tremendous charge against them because they didn’t take the advice. This is particularly true of children. It is particularly true of mates. It is particularly true of business partners: “If they had just taken my advice!” Employees are also a good one: “If they had just taken my advice and done like I told them to, they would have been all right!”
Now you will not only observe all this in self, you will hear it many other places one goes and in most every conversation that one has with people. You will hear these various Accounts Receivable being charged up, being reminded and gritched over because the account has not been paid. As long as we can hear this in others and not condemn or justify that other, it is an excellent mirror that aids the seeing of self. Some not-I will say, “They are in very bad shape and “I” am very good because “I” have checked out two or three of these Accounts Receivable.” But, remember if you can hear an Accounts Receivable being said by someone else when they tell how someone owes them because of their perverse behavior, it is almost certain that that Account Receivable is still existing in self.
So I will observe the self with renewed intensity when I hear someone else rattle off an Accounts Receivable that’s due them and their load they’re carrying. And it is great aid in observing what other not-I’s still has Accounts Receivable within self that makes the heart impure and unclean because of the burden of the old accounts – the clutter of the account books It also keeps the self totally occupied with self and tries to get I, the Observer, to identify with it and get totally absorbed. It never considers how other people see things. It never considers that other people have feelings, and that other people have not-I’s directin’ them, that other people are asleep and that we do not expect them to be considerate of self. And it would begin to be, as we observe this, that we might be considering others rather than continually considering, “How did everything affect me?”
“I” believe that “I” believe each of these things (and many more things) is the one and only “I” that is “I.” In other words, the person sometimes builds an account against even the Teaching for suggesting that there is other “I’s”, other personalities runnin’ around. And it is very upsetting to the self to be aware that there is many “I’s”, that the house is full of many things. While I was hypnotized it was made to believe that it was the one and only. And if anybody suggested that there were others, it sometimes is quite upset and builds an account against even the Teaching and says, “After all, that has upset “me”, it has disturbed “me.” It has accused “me” falsely of being many within.”
One person says, “Why, that’s even saying I’m schizophrenic.” I would not say schizophrenic because schizoid means two, split in the middle. I would say “multi-phrenic” and it is not something to be disturbed about – it is something to be joyful to see.
Because when one begins to see it, one is on the way out of the morass of the aggravations, the annoyances, the many disturbing emotions, the many destructive adaptations in the body. When one is beginning to find the way out of a very unpleasant state of being, one is seeing what is producing these. There is many of ‘em, not just one. But as we are beginning to see them we realize that we have found the path that somewheres leads out into the sunshine. So instead of being disturbed when one sees the truth about one’s self, one discovers that one of many of one’s pet ideas and one of many of one’s pet hurts are all illusions. And when one sees an illusion for what it is, one is then seeing the truth. And it is the truth that makes one free.
Now, how does this come about ? I sees the truth – the observing I sees the truth of something, reports it to X and X renders that illusion inoperative, out of the way. So X operates on what one sees as being true. And of course, when one sees the Truth one is then freed of that further annoyance and aggravation, the continual struggle of that not-I to hypnotize I into identifying with it. So it is one of the more beautiful things that one can discover – is that there is many not-I’s runnin’ around, all attempting to re-hypnotize I and get it identified with the not-I’s and to be asleep, where the not-I’s then can report directly to X and gain energy for their diabolical schemes to destroy the self.
“I” don’t believe that there are many “I’s” in “me,” each with a will, each trying to run the entire household called self.
That this household is usually in conflict, “I” don’t believe.
And “I” don’t believe it’s in a state of deterioration or disintegration, which will sooner or later be expressed outwardly.
“I” believe that dis-ease attacks “me.”
“I” believe that people mistreat “me.”
“I” believe “I” am one and whole – says the not-I’s, the personality, and tries to hypnotize I into agreeing with this. And in this effort of trying to continually get I, the Observer, out of the way so that they can report directly to X is something to behold. It is not to build Accounts Receivable against. And one will discover that as one sees these accounts, one begins to experience a lightness, a freedom, a feeling of being cleansed. It is not something one can do is to forgive – that we can only say the words. The only thing we can do is for I to dis-identify from the self and observe all the Accounts Receivable against almost everone we have known, many of which even may be dead now. But that that Accounts Receivable is still there is a burden to carry about, something to clutter up the Awareness Function of man, something to keep it to continually associate that this may happen again and is to be on guard. And it is the ever challenge to observe these not-I’s.
Now one more thing: we will observe this week also when the self attempts to establish Accounts Receivable against someone. Now this is very observable – that we may observe that the self is still busy trying to make accounts against people, against things, against situations, against events of all kinds. It is trying to still write up the accounts. One observes this while it’s doing it, reports it to X, and the account doesn’t become established.
But you see, when they were established through the years, I was sound asleep. It was hypnotized by the not-I’s and identified with them. And all the not-I’s spoke in the name of X [he meant I] and X always does the appropriate thing for the information received and it stored up these accounts. And that is a terrific burden. It is something that makes one see crookedly, twistedly, and one feels constantly in a state of being mistreated because the accounts haven’t been paid. But as we observe these we’ll see that no way could the accounts be paid. The not-I’s set it up so that no matter what happened, that the account is still there. And this is the burden of mankind. It is a load that few realize why they are weighed down and are aging, and constantly in some sort of an adaptation called “illness.” It is why there is no peace, that one has to go back and check these Accounts Receivable and that the various not-I’s are continually reminding that one should be on guard least someone else mistreat us. “And look at all that is still due us and they haven’t paid a thing.” And all the rest of ‘em are getting ready to do something.
And one has a general feeling of being suspicious, of being left out of things, of being unappreciated, of being mistreated in many ways – in other words, almost a feeling of self-pity… if not completely. And self-pity is generally referred to as depression or unhappiness or as being unfortunate or simply, as “miserable.” And then of course all the physical adaptation that goes with that state comes along and one is sure that one feels miserable because the poor body has been attacked by dis-ease. And now then we have still more Accounts Receivable and still further forced down towards Apathy and out of the picture.
So let’s awake and observe the many, many Accounts Receivable. You cannot forgive them. You can report to X that they are not valid. One is seeing an illusion for what it is and that is seeing the truth of the matter. And when the truth is reported to X, that truth is then used by X to free one of uncleanness, of burdens, of misery and one begins to experience a higher state of being. One might even be experiencing Vital Interest for a while.